


How Not to Commune with Demons

by Adamnedusername



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Best way to describe this story is crack that turned into horror from the monsters pov, Demon Bdubs, Demon Doc, Gen, I wrote this on a whim, No editors I die like a man learning to edit by myself, Ouija
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamnedusername/pseuds/Adamnedusername
Summary: Cub and Scar decide to play with an ouija board in an abandoned house...which just so happens to be the home of the demons Doc and Bdubs.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	How Not to Commune with Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Since this statement was too long to be a tag, I'll put it as a note instead.
> 
> Best was to describe Doc and Bdubses' alignments are doing flips on the line between Chaotic Neutral and Chaotic Evil.

Floorboards creaking. Doc just wanted to read a book, but apparently creaky floorboards in an abandoned derelict mansion that hasn’t had a human set foot in it for 50 years were enough to awaken and agitate his roommate and fellow demon Bdubs.

“Dude, it’s probably just a squirrel or something. Go back to bed,” he sighed.

Bdubs gasped in offense. “It does not sound like a squirrel. It sounds more like one or two people stepping on every squeaky floorboard they could find, and I’m gonna find 'em and give 'em a piece of my mind.”

Doc sighed and got up off the couch. There was no point arguing with Bdubs, so he might as well go with him to see what it is.

They left the sitting room without opening the door and looked down the long, shadowy hallway full of vases, mirrors, and other breakables, and then Doc heard the creaking. Bdubs was right, two humans were in their house, making their way to the living room while stepping on just about every bad floorboard on that floor.

The two demons approached them without either noticing to get a better look at the humans. The slightly taller, scrawny one wore a brown outer coat with a parchment shirt underneath it, brown pants, brown cowboy boots with a slight toe point and a yellow thread pattern, and on top of his straight and fluffy brown hair sat a brown cowboy hat; Bdubs particularly liked the emerald green eyes this stranger had. He also noticed this one was carrying a small bag. The other one was about an inch shorter, but had a bit more pudge to him and wore a long white coat over a blue shirt and blue dress pants. The top of his head was bare, but his chin bore a fluffy dark silvery beard. 

Nervously, the stranger in brown walked behind the stranger in white who held the flashlight, keeling a keen eye out for anything that might jump out and attack them. The white-coated stranger strode forward with some level of confidence, but he still shook with some fear.

The demonic duo was about to just manifest in front of the two intruders to scare them out of their house when they noticed the white-coated one was holding a wooden board with letters and numbers on it, an ouija board.

“Those little brats came to our house to play with that stupid board!” Bdubs shouted, “I can’t believe the audacity of those rude little mortals.”

“Well, we could probably just manifest right in front of them if they wanna see demons,” Doc suggested, and if he was being frank if Doc could pray, he’d pray Bdubs would pick that option just so he could go back to reading his book in peace.

Unfortunately for him, Bdubs continued. “No, that’d be too quick and merciful, and I wanna toy with these mortals.”

“Of course you do,” Doc said as they followed the humans to the living room.

As soon as the little brats got into the living room, the brown one pulled out a sage stick and a lighter, lit it, and put it in a little ashtray before going around the room counterclockwise and wafting the sweet woody smoke around the place. When he was done, he turned to his friend. “Okay, this should keep the really nasty demons out.”

Doc and Bdubs felt more agitated as the brown coated brat saged the room, but they were strong demon boys and could withstand it. What he said when he was done really tipped Doc into the same revenge camp Bdubs was in.

These little bitches walk into their house, wanna play with an ouija board, and try to purify the room to keep them out.

Doc’s evil murder giggle started under his breath and caught Bdub’s attention. “You’re on board with this aren’t you?” he said with a massive evil grin.

“Oh yeah. Let’s make them regret this.”

The demon duo turned to the little brats, murder grins flashing, and if the ouija boys could see these demons, they’d jump out of the suspiciously sturdy brown leather chairs, leaving the ouija board on the mahogany table. Right now they were lighting silver dollar-sized white candles around the board for atmosphere before putting their hands on the planchet.

“Spirits, are you there?” The one in white asked.

And with that, Bdubs and Doc leaped at the board to see who would physically push the planchet, forgetting they could mess with it from a few feet away. Eventually, they pushed it to “Yes.”

“Cub we got a response,” the brown coated one said, almost jumping out of his chair.

“Keep both your hands on the planchet!” Cub almost shrieked.

“Oh right, the lady on youtube mentioned that,” the cowboy hat brat said after cooling his jets. “What do we do now?”

Cub’s idle thinking clicking filled the now silent room. “We ask who’s on the other end? I think this is the appropriate time.”

“Okay. Spirit, who are you?”

‘Oh crap,’ both demons thought at once. They were so ready to mess with these intruders, they didn’t stop to remember giving their demon names might tip these little brats off to the fact they are demons...and they forgot their little nicknames could probably be stretched into an actual name. 

“Doc, who was that guy we killed for trapping us here?” Bdubs asked, pitch and tempo raised in panic.

“Jonathan Brighs?”

“Good enough, we’re going with that.”

The planchet moved over the board.

J-O-H-N-A-T-H-A-N--B-R-I-G-H-S

“Jonathan Brighs,” the cowboy hat wearer repeated, “Cub, can you ask him if he built this house?”

“Why not?” Cub replied before repeating the question for the spirits to answer.

Crap, more questions neither of these demons knows the answer to.

“Yes”, Doc wrote as Bdubs went to look for the dude’s autobiography. ‘I swear I saw the damned thing on this bookshelf.’

He was about to start taking books off the shelf to try and smell which one has the strongest scent of arrogance and salty human flesh when Doc stopped him.

“Wait, we’re just trying to scare them. We don’t have to get this guy’s life story just right, just right enough so they don’t get suspicious.”

Bdubs left the bookshelf as they got the next question asking about John’s family. Unsurprisingly, since he tried to summon demons to be his friends, John didn’t have friends, a wife, kids, or secret lovers, male or female. This was a question they could answer honestly with some tempering.

N-O--I--O-N-L-Y--H-A-D--M-Y--P-A-R-E-N-T-S--W-H-O--D-I-E-D--Y-E-A-R-S--B-E-F-O-R-E--I--D-I-D

“Oh you poor soul,” the cowboy had brat cried, “Cub, ask him when his birthday is. Maybe we can do something for him.”

Eyebrows raised, “Scar, do you even know how to throw a birthday party for a ghost?”

“No, but we could find out.”

Sighing, Cub asked “John” his birthday.

‘Eh screw it,’ Doc thought, ‘They’re not staying long enough for this to matter.’

6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9

Confusion set in, and Cub and Scar glanced at each other before looking back at the board. How could a ghost, who was presumed dead for well over 50 years, have been born in 69/69/6969? Did another group teach John about 69?

“Dude, what are you doing?” Bdubs shouted at Doc while throwing his arms up to gesticulate all over the place out of habit. “I thought we were messing with them!”

“We are,” Doc replied firmly.

Bdubs stomped his foot, the loud noise startling Cub and Scar, “Then why can’t you seem to properly baste them?”

Doc pointed to the now confused board users, looking around and shaking without letting their hands off the planchet like their lives depended on it. “It looks like I could baste them better than you can.”

Bdubs dropped the argument as they continued to answer the questions the little brats kept asking. And Doc was right, his 69’s and Bdubs’es stomp greatly confused them as the questions continued, and fear started to crawl in.

“Cub I wanna try something,” Scar said shaking, “Ask John when he died.”

Cub obliged, shakily speaking. “Jonathan, when did you die?”

For those of you who don’t know, demons have never had to die, but John did, and since Bdubs and Doc knew the date John died very well, “John” could answer that.

1-1-1-9-0-0--W-H-E-N--T-H-E--D-E-M-O-N-S--K-I-L-L-E-D--M-E

At this point, fear was pulled out and was replaced with terror, and the only thing keeping them from jumping up and bolting out of the house was them somehow remembering they have to keep their hands on the planchet to keep the connection before signing out because who knows what whatever there were now talking to will do if they don’t.

Right now, Scar was blubbering to himself as Cub asked the next question. “You’re not Johnathan Brighs, are you?”

“No.”

“Who are you?”

L-O-O-K--B-E-H-I-N-D--Y-O-U

Cub looked over to Scar, but he was looking just past Cub and frozen in fear. Cub didn’t want to look at what was behind him. He really didn’t, but whatever was there put a large, green hand with rough, burning skin and the scent of brimstone on his shoulder, and he slowly turned to face the owner. Attached to the hand was a muscular, green, giant of a demon standing at about 7 feet tall without the massive ram horns spiraling out of his head, who grinned a massive murderous grin exposing many knife-sharp teeth. 

Cub broke, jumping up out of the chair screaming before bolting to the door and causing Scar to do the same. Unfortunately for both of them, Bdubs was already at the door, and he slammed it shut in front of them with a solid, satisfying slam before clicking the lock and listening to them bang and scream for help as Doc strut towards them.  
When Doc was in grabbing distance, Bdubs unlocked the door and let Scar and Cub spill out into the hallway and gave them a good look at him. There was no comfort in the fact he looked like a normal guy with spiky hair and wearing a white long sleeve and jeans, not with that massive murder grin.

Cub and Scar booked it...down the halfway full of breakable items. Maniacal laughter was heard as he started throwing everything in that hallway just as they passed by, some of the bigger items even making great gusts as they flew past. Eventually, the intruders left out the door they came in from, which left Doc and Bdubs alone cackling like madmen.

“I hadn’t had that much fun in decades,” Bdubs shouted, still high off this experience.

“Yeah, this was great.” Then Doc remembered something. He made his way to the ouija board.

“What’s up Doc?”

“They left their board without saying goodbye,” Doc said with a massive grin as he moved the planchet to connect the 4 corners, “Now we can come and go as we please.”


End file.
